Inspiration All Around

Every day on my facebook page I try to share some kind of inspiration so

people would not feel alone or sad or they are not good enough.

I do this because I deal with these thoughts and emotions daily.

Emotionally I am a wreck and socially awkward.

I guess it started years ago moving to Fresno

and then other issues just piled on

and I never really got a chance to heal from anything.

I am not going to blame anyone for how I have been treated or what I have been through.

Ya know it is what it is.

It happened, its in the past.

I can not control how others treat or act towards me,

but I can control how I react to them.

Which lately, I have been reacting horribly,to the point of suicide.

Not once but twice in a two year period.

I just want to feel loved.  Who doesn't?

I can not say I have ever felt it.

I mean people say it, but its another thing to show it.

I was raised where you do not backstab your friends, you are honest with one another, treat others with respect and just be a good person.

So its hard for me to open up to others because

I am afraid they are going to hurt me one way or another.

Even socially I suck, because I am always thinking that people don't like me.

I told you I have issues.

Anyways, after a crappy marriage, I start working on me.

Like getting my thyroid regulated, losing weight, trying to put myself in social settings so I could be use to being around other people and trying to be the sunlight in someone's darkness.

A few people have been a huge source of inspiration for me.

Like Jo, founder of Deeds 4 Drew.

Its been a battle for me.  I have my good days and bad days.

But I still try to spread that sunshine, even though inside I feel like dying.

That is until today, when a very close friend of mine, Starla told me I was her inspiration.

I think I cried for an hour after seeing that.

All I could think was, Me? I am someone's inspiration?

How could I be someone's inspiration when I am hurting inside?

And it made me feel like every emotion I have been feeling

has been worth it.

Like what I have become because of my pain is helping someone else.

What an amazing honor and feeling to know I am making a difference.
Do not ever think you can not make a difference in someone else's life.
Inspiration comes from everything.
Pain, hurt, sadness, happiness, joy, you just don't know.
But be the reason someone smiles..

If you are not feeling good enough...

Listen to this song.

You are good enough.

You are Beloved!!

Have a beautiful day.

God Bless!

Chelle

You are Beautiful....... Always!

"We are all a little broken, but the last time I checked; 

broken crayons still color the same."

Over the years, since I can remember, I have dealt with some type of

emotion or verbal abuse from people who I cared about.

Some may not have realized their words hurt me,

others knew exactly what they were doing.

By the time I got up the nerve to actually leave my boys father,

my self esteem was non existent.

I basically had believed their lies.

In actuality, I was not the problem, it was them.

They were the ones hurting and wanted me to hurt as well.

You know the old saying....

Misery loves Company.

There is soo much truth in those 3 words.

I was told that no one would ever love me,  no one would love me because I'm a single mother and my all time fav, no one is ever going to love you because of your weight.

It was not until I met the first love of my life in 2007.

(I say the first because geography separated us, our break up was due to a death in the family, I know someone more special is coming & I know that all the others were not love but just products of my issues)

I always say I have been blessed to have him in my life for the short time I did.

He showed me what love really was.

He showed me that I was worth something,

that I was enough.

That I am beautiful!!

Even when I went blind or went through my Thyroid cancer,

I waited for that for such a long time.

And then one day he was gone.

That was when I married. 

Big mistake... on both sides.

He was an alcoholic and I was in love with someone else.

To say that out loud

makes me want to slap myself.

Of course I ended up going though the same abuse.

But this time I knew better.

I established a relationship with Jesus

and the more I was into church,

the more the abuse got.

Finally I found a way out, took a chance

and have not been happier.

There are still times where I question my worth.

I met another amazing man, just friends, 

but some of the things he says or does makes 

me remember just how beautiful I am.

I don't know if he even remembers, but when he came to visit, 

I have scars on my chest from an illness

and he just held me and like rubbed his hand across them like they did not exist.

I am always so self conscience about them and

he managed to make me feel beautiful at a time when I did not.

As for my future,

I am taking every day as it comes.

I know what I want, just need to figure out how to go about getting it.

But one thing I do know,

I will not allow the words of others to affect me ever again.

I now know I am beautiful. 

I am going to share that with everyone.

I want everyone to know just how beautiful they are

regardless of sex, weight, race, religion or anything else that may make you feel less than.

You are Beautiful!!

Have a blessed day!

Chelle

The List & A Little Sunday Inspiration

I have been wanting to do something with my blog for some time now.  Time just seems to be my biggest road block.  It seems every time I go to sit down, something happens.  So last night I made a HUGE list of items that needed to be done and guess what got taken care of first??  

THE BLOG =)

I really do like to make lists because some how, some way I end up getting everything done....

As long as the kids do not get into my "space" and hide it. 

Then I am back to square one and will simply putter around and find other things to do.

Just like when I intend to write,

but I will either forget or by the time I do remember it is too late and my eye lids are trying to meet 

each other for a good nights rest.

One more thing before I go....

::A little Sunday Inspiration::

Sushi

Have a beautiful Sunday.

Meet the Grandsons

While my two youngest boys went to the library && then off to bible study tonight,

I thought I would blog about my grandsons.

They complete me.

I honestly did not think I could love anyone more than my own kids, 

but I was completely wrong.

Okay so maybe it is a different kind of love.

One that I just can not explain.

Marik is my oldest grandson.

I dont get much time with him,

but when I do, he is all smiles && love.

He loves Spongebob, Caiou && Cars.

Joshie is my second oldest grandson from my son Ollie.

I have spent the most time with him, because I just felt I needed to help out more

since my son has been gone for a bit.

Josh is definitely my clown of the bunch.

Heeeeeres PJ =)

Gramma's love bug.

I kid you not there is ALWAYS a smile on his handsome lil face.

I treasure my time with this one the most because he is just the cutest.  lol

Just kidding.

I love my babies all the same.

So these are the loves of my lives && my inspiration for 

how I live my life.

Have a blessed day!