"We are all a little broken, but the last time I checked;
broken crayons still color the same."
Over the years, since I can remember, I have dealt with some type of
emotion or verbal abuse from people who I cared about.
Some may not have realized their words hurt me,
others knew exactly what they were doing.
By the time I got up the nerve to actually leave my boys father,
my self esteem was non existent.
I basically had believed their lies.
In actuality, I was not the problem, it was them.
They were the ones hurting and wanted me to hurt as well.
You know the old saying....
Misery loves Company.
There is soo much truth in those 3 words.
I was told that no one would ever love me, no one would love me because I'm a single mother and my all time fav, no one is ever going to love you because of your weight.
It was not until I met the first love of my life in 2007.
(I say the first because geography separated us, our break up was due to a death in the family, I know someone more special is coming & I know that all the others were not love but just products of my issues)
I always say I have been blessed to have him in my life for the short time I did.
He showed me what love really was.
He showed me that I was worth something,
that I was enough.
That I am beautiful!!
Even when I went blind or went through my Thyroid cancer,
I waited for that for such a long time.
And then one day he was gone.
That was when I married.
Big mistake... on both sides.
He was an alcoholic and I was in love with someone else.
To say that out loud
makes me want to slap myself.
Of course I ended up going though the same abuse.
But this time I knew better.
I established a relationship with Jesus
and the more I was into church,
the more the abuse got.
Finally I found a way out, took a chance
and have not been happier.
There are still times where I question my worth.
I met another amazing man, just friends,
but some of the things he says or does makes
me remember just how beautiful I am.
I don't know if he even remembers, but when he came to visit,
I have scars on my chest from an illness
and he just held me and like rubbed his hand across them like they did not exist.
I am always so self conscience about them and
he managed to make me feel beautiful at a time when I did not.
As for my future,
I am taking every day as it comes.
I know what I want, just need to figure out how to go about getting it.
But one thing I do know,
I will not allow the words of others to affect me ever again.
I now know I am beautiful.
I am going to share that with everyone.
I want everyone to know just how beautiful they are
regardless of sex, weight, race, religion or anything else that may make you feel less than.
You are Beautiful!!
Have a blessed day!